Making sense of trauma

 

When we experience something frightening or overwhelming, our brains do what they've evolved to do: try to protect us.

Sometimes those protective responses continue long after the experience itself has passed. We might find ourselves constantly anticipating danger, struggling to trust other people or feeling overwhelmed by situations that don't seem to warrant such a strong response.

For people who have experienced repeated trauma, particularly during childhood, these patterns can become deeply familiar. They might influence how we see ourselves, what we expect from relationships and how we respond when we feel threatened, criticised or rejected.

From a Compassion Focused Therapy perspective, we're interested in understanding how these responses developed and what they've been trying to protect us from.

Rather than treating them as something wrong with you, we can begin to make sense of them in the context of what you've experienced.

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Trauma can also affect young people in ways that aren't always immediately recognised. They might become more anxious, withdrawn or self-critical, experience difficulties at school or find it harder to manage emotions and relationships. I work with young people and their families to understand these responses in the context of their experiences, adapting therapy to their developmental needs and circumstances.

It is rarely only about the memory

Trauma can affect much more than our memories. It can shape the beliefs we develop about ourselves and other people.

Someone who has experienced repeated criticism or rejection, for example, might become particularly sensitive to the possibility of getting something wrong. They may find themselves striving to achieve, putting other people's needs first or feeling responsible for keeping everyone else happy.

For someone who has experienced frightening or unpredictable relationships, trusting others or allowing themselves to be vulnerable might feel particularly difficult.

These patterns can continue into adulthood, even when our circumstances have changed.​

 

 

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PTSD and Complex PTSD

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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can develop following exposure to an extremely frightening or threatening event, or a series of events.

It can involve intrusive memories, flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance and a continuing sense of threat, even when the danger has passed.

Complex PTSD (CPTSD) includes these difficulties but can also affect how we regulate our emotions, understand ourselves and experience relationships.

Complex PTSD is often associated with repeated or prolonged traumatic experiences, particularly where escape felt difficult or impossible. This might include childhood abuse, neglect, exploitation or experiences within relationships where safety and trust were compromised.

Not everyone who has experienced trauma develops PTSD or Complex PTSD, and you don't need to have a diagnosis to benefit from trauma therapy.

 

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Trauma therapy and EMDR

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There isn't one single way to work with trauma, and the approach we take will depend on your experiences, current difficulties and what you're hoping to get from therapy.

I draw on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR).

Compassion Focused Therapy is central to how I work, particularly when trauma has contributed to shame, self-criticism or a difficult relationship with yourself.

We can explore how these patterns developed and begin to build a more compassionate understanding of your experiences. This doesn't mean minimising what happened or trying to think positively about difficult experiences. It's about recognising how your mind has learned to respond and developing different ways of relating to yourself.

EMDR can also form an important part of trauma therapy.

EMDR is an evidence-based treatment that helps the brain process traumatic memories that continue to feel distressing, even when we know logically that they're in the past.

For some people, the work might focus on a particular traumatic event. Where there has been childhood or complex trauma, we may need to work with several experiences and the beliefs and emotional responses that have developed over time.

 

These approaches can be used alongside one another, depending on your needs and what feels appropriate for you.

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 Learn more about EMDR Therapy here. 

 

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Do I have to talk about everything that happened?

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Revisiting difficult experiences can feel daunting, particularly when you've spent a long time trying not to think about them or are worried about becoming overwhelmed.

We don't need to begin by revisiting the most difficult memories. The early stages of therapy can involve understanding your current difficulties, developing a shared understanding of how your experiences might be contributing to them and identifying what you need before approaching trauma processing.
With EMDR, it's not always necessary to describe every detail of a traumatic memory aloud.

We'll work collaboratively and review the pace of therapy together, taking account of your individual needs and circumstances.

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What if I do not think what happened was 'bad enough'?

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It's common for people to minimise their experiences, particularly when they compare what happened to them with what other people have been through.

For someone who grew up with repeated criticism, emotional neglect or unpredictable relationships, those experiences might have felt like an ordinary part of life. It can be difficult to recognise their impact when they've shaped your understanding of yourself and the world from an early age.

We don't need to compare your experiences to anyone else's or decide whether they were traumatic enough. We can be curious about what happened, how it affected you and what might be helpful now.

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Starting trauma therapy

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I offer trauma, PTSD and Complex PTSD therapy for adults and young people, in person in Banstead, Surrey and online across the UK.

If you're looking for therapy for a young person, we can think together about their needs and how best to involve parents or carers in the work.

Whether you're looking for therapy for yourself or for your child, you're very welcome to get in touch.
We can arrange a brief introductory conversation to discuss what you're looking for and whether I might be the right therapist to support you.

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