You may have found your way here because you can see how hard your child is trying, even when other people seem to notice only what is going wrong.

 

Perhaps they manage to hold everything together at school and then fall apart when they get home. Homework, getting ready or responding to a simple request might suddenly feel overwhelming. You may be seeing anger, tears, shutdown or increasing self-criticism, and wondering how best to help without adding even more pressure.

 

Your child might struggle to get started, lose track of time or forget things they were sure they would remember. Sometimes their mind may seem full of ideas, feelings and energy. At other times, they might go completely blank just when somebody expects them to explain themselves.

 

From the outside, this can be misunderstood as not listening, not caring or refusing to try. Yet underneath, your child may be putting in far more effort than anybody realises.

 

If something here feels familiar, I hope this page helps you feel a little less alone in trying to understand what your child might need.

 

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What might be happening underneath

 

Young people rarely come to therapy because they want to talk about ADHD itself.

 

Usually, we end up making sense of what life has actually felt like for them.

 

The pressure of knowing what they are meant to do but being unable to make themselves begin. Trying hard to listen and then realising they have missed part of what was said. Feeling embarrassed because they interrupted, forgot something or reacted more strongly than they wanted to.

 

Some young people become very good at hiding how overwhelmed they are. This can mean that the child you see at home looks very different from the one described by school.

 

They may arrive home exhausted and unable to manage one more demand. A question about homework or a request to get ready can lead to a reaction that seems much bigger than the situation itself.

 

When difficulties happen repeatedly, they can also begin to shape how a young person sees themselves.

 

Perhaps your child has been described as lazy, careless, disruptive, dramatic or too sensitive. Maybe they have repeatedly heard that they are capable but need to try harder, concentrate more or make better choices.

 

Over time, they may start to believe those things about themselves.

 

Something I care deeply about is helping children and young people understand that struggling with something does not mean there is something wrong with who they are.

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It’s rarely just about ADHD

 

ADHD may be an important part of the picture, but it is rarely the whole picture.

 

Your child may also be dealing with anxiety, low mood, perfectionism, friendship difficulties, school pressure, bullying or other difficult experiences. They may feel exhausted from trying to keep up, frightened of disappointing people or unsure why their emotions become so intense.

 

I’m interested in the whole of what has been happening for your child.

 

That includes how ADHD may affect their attention, emotions, energy and ability to get started. It also includes their relationships, sensory needs, school environment, the expectations placed upon them and the experiences that have shaped how they see themselves.

 

I don’t want us to look only at what is happening within your child. I’m also interested in what is happening around them and how all of those things fit together.

 

We can move away from asking, “What is wrong with them?” and towards a kinder and more useful question:

 

“Given everything that is happening, does it make sense that they are finding this difficult?”

 

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What therapy might offer

 

The aim of therapy is to understand what your child is experiencing and help life feel a little more manageable, in ways that fit who they are.

 

We might think practically about the areas in which they would like support. That could include getting started, managing overwhelm, remembering what they need, coping with strong emotions, navigating friendships or making schoolwork and everyday routines feel more manageable.

 

We can experiment with strategies, but I won’t give your child a generic list of ADHD tips and expect them all to work. We’ll think together about what gets in the way, what already helps and how support could fit their actual life.

 

Therapy can also offer space for the feelings underneath the practical difficulties.

 

Your child may put enormous pressure on themselves because they are frightened of disappointing people. One mistake might quickly become a feeling that they always get everything wrong. They may become angry with themselves for struggling or feel ashamed when other people seem to cope more easily.

 

Compassion does not mean lowering expectations or pretending that nothing needs to change. It means understanding what is happening and finding ways of responding that are genuinely helpful, rather than adding more criticism and pressure.

 

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How we’ll work together

 

No two young people experience ADHD in exactly the same way, so I don’t believe therapy should look exactly the same for everyone either.

 

Some young people like having a clear plan and knowing what will happen during each session. Others need time to talk freely before deciding what feels important. Your child may find visual ideas helpful, prefer writing to speaking or need something to do with their hands while we talk.

 

They won’t be expected to sit perfectly still, maintain eye contact or find the right words straight away. If a question does not make sense, we can try asking it differently. If they need more time to think, we can slow down.

 

My work draws on Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and EMDR where appropriate. I adapt how we work to each young person’s age, experiences, communication style and what they would like to be different.

 

Parents and carers can be an important part of therapy, particularly for younger children. The level of involvement will depend on your child’s age, needs and preferences.

 

I’ll explain confidentiality clearly, so your child can have a space that feels like their own while you still feel included and able to support them.

 

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If you’re a young person reading this

 

You might be reading this page yourself, or perhaps somebody who cares about you has sent it to you.

 

Therapy with me won’t be about making you behave, forcing you to talk or deciding that everything you find difficult is because of ADHD.

 

You don’t need to sit still, make eye contact or know exactly what to say. You’ll have a say in what we talk about and what you would like help with.

 

Maybe school feels overwhelming. Perhaps your emotions become intense very quickly, friendships feel complicated or you’re tired of people misunderstanding you.

 

We can start with what life feels like for you and make sense of it together, at a pace that feels comfortable.

 

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If you’re thinking about therapy for your child

 

Your child does not need to have an ADHD diagnosis before you get in touch. You also don’t need to be certain that ADHD explains what has been happening.

 

You may know exactly what you would like help with, or you may simply know that things have become difficult and that your child needs somewhere to begin making sense of it all.

 

Both are equally welcome.

 

The first step can simply be an initial conversation about what has been happening and what you hope might feel different for your child.

 

I offer neuroaffirmative ADHD therapy for children and young people in person in Banstead, Surrey and online across the UK.

 

If you have recognised something of your child in this page, you’re very welcome to get in touch.