I'm wondering whether life has often felt harder than it seems to for other people.

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Not all of the time, and not in every area of your life. In fact, people around you might see someone who's coping well. Someone who's capable, caring and doing their best to keep everything together. Yet underneath, things that seem straightforward for other people can take an enormous amount of energy, and there are moments when it feels as though you're constantly trying to catch up, despite putting so much effort in.

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Perhaps you've found yourself wondering why everyday life feels so exhausting. Why replying to a message, making a phone call or getting started on something you genuinely want to do can sometimes feel so much harder than it seems to for everyone else.

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Perhaps you've spent years wondering whether you're simply disorganised, or telling yourself you just need to try harder.

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Or perhaps you've recently been diagnosed with ADHD. Perhaps someone has gently suggested it, or you've recognised yourself in something you've read and haven't quite been able to stop thinking about it since. Maybe you've known for years, but have reached a point where you're simply tired. Tired of feeling as though you're giving everything you've got, without anyone really seeing how much effort everyday life can take.

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If you've recognised something of yourself already, I hope this page helps you feel a little less alone.

 

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What I often find

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​​One of the things I've noticed over the years is that people rarely come to therapy because they want to talk about ADHD itself. Of course, ADHD matters, and we'll absolutely make space to understand how it affects your life. But what I often find is that, before long, we're talking about what it's actually been like to live with ADHD. The years spent trying to keep up, the exhaustion of constantly feeling as though you're letting people down, or the pressure of trying to appear as though you're coping when, inside, it feels as though you're working twice as hard just to stay where you are.

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We're talking about the moments that other people never see. The message you've rewritten three times because you can't quite make yourself send it. The washing that's still sitting in the machine because you genuinely forgot it was there. Sitting on the sofa desperately wanting to start something that really matters to you, yet somehow feeling completely stuck. Feeling relieved when plans are cancelled because you're overwhelmed, and then feeling guilty for feeling relieved.

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On their own, those moments can seem small. Over time, though, they often begin to shape the story we tell ourselves about who we are.

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It's not unusual for people to describe themselves as lazy, disorganised, unreliable or "not very good at being an adult".

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Sometimes those words are said with a laugh, almost as though it feels easier to joke about them before someone else has the chance to. Sometimes they're said so matter-of-factly that it's clear they've been repeated for years.

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Something I find myself wondering quite often is where those beliefs first began because, in my experience, they rarely appear out of nowhere.

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Perhaps you've spent years hearing that you had so much potential if only you applied yourself. Perhaps you've become used to apologising for forgetting things, being late or feeling overwhelmed by tasks that other people seem to move through with ease. Or perhaps you've worked so hard to hide your struggles that most people around you have no idea how much energy it takes simply to get through an ordinary day.

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Over time, it's understandable that those experiences begin to shape the relationship we have with ourselves. When we've spent years believing we're the problem, it's incredibly difficult to imagine there might be another way of understanding what's been happening.

 

 

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​​It's rarely just about ADHD

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That's one of the reasons I care so much about this work.

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I don't believe ADHD is something that needs fixing, and I don't think it explains everything either.

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For many people, discovering ADHD brings an enormous sense of relief. Experiences that have never quite made sense suddenly begin to fit together in a different way. For others, relief sits alongside sadness, frustration or grief. Looking back at school, work, relationships or family life through a new lens can stir up all sorts of emotions, and I don't think there's a right or wrong way to feel about any of that.

What I often find, though, is that ADHD is only part of the picture.

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I'm usually just as interested in everything else that has shaped your experience. The beliefs you've developed about yourself over the years. The ways you've learnt to cope. The relationships that have helped you feel understood, and the ones that have left you doubting yourself. Sometimes we're also making sense of difficult life experiences or trauma, not because everything needs to be explained by the past, but because our experiences matter. They shape the way we understand ourselves and the way we respond when life feels difficult.

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Making sense of the whole picture often allows us to move away from asking, "What's wrong with me?" and towards a much kinder question:

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"Given everything I've experienced, does it make sense that I feel this way?"

 

 

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What therapy might offer

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One of the reasons I enjoy working with adults with ADHD is because I don't see therapy as being about changing who you are.

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Living with ADHD can bring very real challenges, and we'll absolutely make space for those. We might think together about the situations that leave you feeling overwhelmed, notice patterns that seem to keep repeating, or explore practical ways of making everyday life feel a little easier.

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At the same time, I hope therapy offers something more than strategies alone.

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Many of the people I meet have become so used to responding to themselves with pressure, criticism or disappointment that it's difficult to imagine another way. We can become convinced that if we could only try harder, be more organised or stop making mistakes, we'd finally feel good enough. What I often find is that people have already spent years trying to motivate themselves through self-criticism, and it rarely brings the lasting change they're hoping for.

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Compassion isn't about lowering expectations or pretending things aren't difficult. It's about understanding what's getting in the way and responding to yourself in a way that's genuinely helpful.

In my experience, change often begins when we stop asking, "What's wrong with me?" and start asking,

 

"What makes sense, given everything I've experienced?"

 

 

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How we'll work together

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No two people experience ADHD in exactly the same way, so I don't believe there should be a fixed way of working either.

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Some people come because they're adjusting to a recent diagnosis. Others because anxiety, burnout or self-criticism have become overwhelming. Sometimes we're making sense of relationships that have been difficult, or experiences that still seem to have a hold on life today. Sometimes we're simply trying to understand why everything has always felt so much harder than it seems to.

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We'll work out what's most important together.

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My work is grounded in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), alongside Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and EMDR where appropriate. Rather than expecting you to fit neatly into a particular model, I adapt therapy to you, your experiences and what feels most helpful.

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Above all, I hope therapy feels like a place where you don't have to explain why something is difficult before you're allowed to find it difficult. A place where you don't need to apologise for the way your mind works, and where we can become curious together about what's been happening, rather than assuming you've somehow got it wrong.

 

 

 

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If you're thinking about therapy

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You don't need to be completely certain that ADHD is the right explanation before getting in touch, and you don't need to know exactly what you want from therapy either.

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Sometimes people contact me because they're feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes because they've recently been diagnosed, or are beginning to wonder whether ADHD might explain experiences they've struggled to make sense of for years. And sometimes they simply know that life has felt harder than it seems to for other people, and they're tired of carrying that on their own.

Wherever you find yourself, we don't need to have everything figured out before we begin.

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The first step isn't having all the answers. More often, it's simply beginning to make sense of what's been happening, together.

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If you've recognised something of yourself in what you've read, I'd be very happy to hear from you.

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