Can EMDR Help with Childhood Trauma?
Sometimes we can understand that something happened a long time ago, yet still find ourselves affected by it in ways that are difficult to explain.
Perhaps you grew up feeling that you had to get everything right, keep other people happy or be careful about what you said. Maybe there were experiences that felt frightening or overwhelming, or perhaps there wasn't one particular event, but a sense that things were often difficult.
You might not think of what happened as trauma. You might even find yourself questioning whether it was really that bad, particularly if other people seemed to have had it worse.
But our minds and bodies respond to the experiences we have, not to how those experiences compare with someone else's.
And sometimes the ways we learned to cope when we were younger can continue to shape how we feel about ourselves, our relationships and the world around us.
When childhood experiences follow us into adulthood
As children, we depend on the people and environments around us. We don't always have the freedom, understanding or support to respond to difficult situations in the ways we might choose as adults.
So we adapt.
We might become very good at noticing changes in someone's mood, avoiding conflict, working hard to get things right or keeping our own feelings to ourselves.
These responses can make sense when we consider what someone was managing at the time. They may have helped them feel more secure, avoid criticism or maintain important relationships.
Someone who learned that mistakes led to criticism might still feel overwhelmed when they get something wrong, even when nobody is angry with them.
Someone who grew up feeling responsible for other people's emotions might find it difficult to say no, express a need or recognise when they're becoming exhausted.
From a Compassion Focused Therapy perspective, we're interested in understanding how these patterns developed and what they've been trying to protect us from, rather than treating them as something wrong with the person.
Does childhood trauma have to involve something particularly frightening?
Not necessarily.
Some people have experienced events that are clearly traumatic, such as abuse, violence, neglect or frightening medical experiences.
For others, the difficulties may be connected to experiences that happened repeatedly over time. Being bullied, frequently criticised, feeling emotionally unsupported or growing up in an unpredictable environment can all affect how someone learns to understand themselves and other people.
This doesn't mean that every difficult childhood experience leads to trauma, or that we need to give everything a diagnostic label.
But it does mean we can be curious about the impact of what happened, even when someone has spent years telling themselves it wasn't bad enough to matter.
How might EMDR help with childhood trauma?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is a psychological therapy that can help people work with distressing memories and experiences that continue to affect them in the present.
When working with childhood trauma, we might notice that certain situations bring up feelings that seem much bigger than what's happening now.
A small mistake might bring an intense sense of shame. Someone expressing disappointment might lead to panic or a strong urge to make things right. A disagreement might leave someone feeling frightened or rejected, even when they understand that the relationship isn't necessarily at risk.
Sometimes these responses are connected to earlier experiences and the beliefs that developed around them.
EMDR offers a way of working with relevant memories, with the aim of reducing the distress associated with them. As part of this, someone may begin to experience those memories differently, with less emotional intensity and a different understanding of what happened and what it means about them.
You can read more about what EMDR involves on my EMDR therapy page.
What if I don't remember much of my childhood?
This is something people sometimes worry about when considering trauma therapy.
You might remember particular experiences clearly, have only fragments of memories or find that you remember very little from certain periods of your life.
There are lots of reasons why childhood memories can be unclear or incomplete, and gaps in memory don't necessarily indicate trauma.
We don't need to search for hidden memories or try to piece together events that you can't remember.
We can begin with what you're experiencing now, the memories and experiences that are available to you and what you're hoping might feel different.
EMDR isn't about uncovering something that must be there. It's about working with the experiences and difficulties we can identify together.
What about complex childhood trauma?
When difficult experiences have happened repeatedly, particularly within important relationships, their impact can extend beyond individual memories.
Someone might find it difficult to trust others, recognise their own needs, manage overwhelming emotions or feel that they're good enough.
There may also be a lot of shame or self-blame, even when the person understands intellectually that what happened wasn't their responsibility.
In my work, EMDR sits alongside Compassion Focused Therapy. This allows us to work with distressing memories while also understanding the shame, self-criticism and protective strategies that may have developed around those experiences.
For some people, we'll spend longer preparing for memory reprocessing or working with difficulties in everyday life. For others, we may be able to begin reprocessing relatively early.
The work is shaped around the person and their experiences, rather than following the same pace for everyone.
You can read more about my approach on my trauma therapy page.
Can EMDR help children and young people too?
Yes. EMDR can be adapted for children and young people who have experienced trauma.
The way we work will depend on their age, developmental needs and what they're finding difficult. For some young people, this may involve creative approaches or shorter periods of memory reprocessing.
We would also think together about whether and how parents or carers might be involved, while respecting the young person's privacy and their relationship with me as their therapist.
As with adults, we begin by understanding what's happening and considering which approach is likely to be helpful, rather than assuming that EMDR is automatically the right treatment.
Do I have to talk about everything that happened?
No. And for some people, knowing this can make the idea of trauma therapy feel a little more approachable.
We do need to understand enough about your experiences to think together about the work, but EMDR doesn't require you to describe every detail of a difficult memory aloud.
We can also spend time preparing, understanding what happens when you become overwhelmed and agreeing how we'll approach memories that feel particularly difficult.
There is room to go at a pace that takes account of what you're managing, rather than feeling that you need to push through.
Exploring EMDR for childhood trauma
If difficult childhood experiences continue to affect how you feel about yourself, your relationships or everyday life, we can begin by understanding what's happening now and thinking together about what might help.
I offer EMDR, CBT and Compassion Focused Therapy for adults and young people in Banstead, Surrey and online across the UK.
If you'd like to explore whether EMDR might be suitable for you or a young person you're supporting, you're welcome to get in touch.
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